Distinguishing Between Guilt and Providing Constructive Feedback

As leaders, we often walk the fine line between care and correction. We want to lead with empathy — but sometimes, in trying to protect others from discomfort, we end up carrying a weight that isn’t ours. This month, let’s explore the difference between guilt and feedback and how knowing the difference can transform how we lead, communicate, and build trust with those we serve.

Understand Their Nature

Guilt is internal and emotional. It often arises when you feel responsible for someone else’s discomfort or failure,  even when it's not your burden to carry. Feedback is external and professional.  It is a tool for development and clarity, rooted in care for the person and commitment to a shared standard. Let's be clear, as leaders, feedback is a responsibility. Guilt is a reaction.

Check Your Intention

Ask yourself these questions:

• “Am I trying to avoid discomfort for myself?”
• “Am I being silent because I don’t want to hurt their feelings?”
• “Am I hoping the issue will resolve itself without me getting involved?”

If the answer to any of those is yes — guilt may be driving you. On the other hand, if your intent is:

• “To help them grow,”
• “To support team standards,”
• “To uphold accountability” —

…then you're in the territory of providing feedback.

Focus on Stewardship, Not Emotion

Feedback is part of your leadership stewardship. You're not just managing people,  you're providing the necessary feedback that will enable development and growth.  

Guilt says:
“I feel bad. Maybe I shouldn’t say anything.”

Leadership says:
“This is important and it can impact their growth wherever they go.  I can speak truth with respect.”

Use Structure to Stay Grounded

To keep guilt out of the way and offer constructive feedback by using a simple, time-honored structure. You can read more about this from my book, Confidence, Clarity and Ease: A Guide for Emerging Leaders to Thrive. Here are some examples:

• Observation on a specific behavior: “I noticed that the report was late by two days.”
• Impact: “This delayed the team's overall delivery schedule.”
• Expectation: “Going forward, deadlines need to be met or communicated early.”
• Support: “What support would help to make that easier?”

With structure, it ensures that you, the leader, is also clear on what you truly want to address clearly. 

Remember: Silence Can Do More Harm

When guilt silences feedback, it may feel kind in the moment, but it often:

• Breeds confusion
• Erodes trust
• Lowers standards
• Delays growth

As leaders, we are called to shape, not shield. Guilt can cloud our clarity, but feedback — when given with care and purpose — becomes a gift. It’s a way of saying, “I see you, and I believe in your potential.” The next time you're tempted to stay silent out of guilt, pause and remember: your words might be the very thing someone needs to grow

Inspiring You to Thrive in Your Leadership, 

Sheeba Varghese

Celebrating the Mothers 💜

As we celebrate Mother’s Day in the United States, I’m reflecting on the leadership lessons I’ve learned not just in the professional world, but in the quiet moments of motherhood. Patience, presence, resilience, and unconditional support—these are qualities that define both strong leaders and devoted mothers. Whether you’re raising a team or raising a child, the essence is the same: you lead best when you lead with love.   

Leadership Spotlight: Orion Jean 

At just 10 years old, Orion Jean launched the Race to Kindness — a movement focused on making the world better through simple, powerful acts of service. A compassionate and driven young leader from Texas, Orion began making headlines at just 10 years old when he launched the Race to Kindness initiative — a series of campaigns designed to spread acts of service and compassion across communities. 

After winning a national kindness speech contest, Orion used his platform to start giving back in big ways. He organized a book drive that donated over 500,000 books to kids in need, organized toy drives, and provided meals for thousands of families.

His goal in all of this was to show that one act of kindness can spark a movement.

“If you see something wrong, fix it. If you see someone in need, help them.”
— Orion Jean

Read more about his impact and how he leading and encouraging others to make a difference HERE. 

Sheeba Varghese is a strategic partner for your talent development solutions and the author of Confidence, Clarity & Ease: A Guide For Emerging Leaders To Thrive. Her passion is to inspire and equip men and women to lead with excellence and authenticity within the spheres of influence that they are called to impact in life. The spheres may be in a home, on a team, in a classroom, among partners in a firm, or within management, to name a few.

Sheeba works with: 

Senior Leaders and professionals who want to develop stronger leadership skills, have impact, and move forward in their careers

Teams who want to work cohesively within their organizations

Coaches who want to renew or apply for certification with ICF

If you want to improve your leadership skills, transition from managing to leading, ensure your team is amazingly successful, increase your self-awareness, and progress your career, or aspire to be a masterful coach for your clients, then Sheeba would love to support you. She works with clients globally, both face-to-face, by phone, or by Zoom.

In her time apart from clients, Sheeba enjoys time with her husband, Santosh, and their 2 sons, Sam and Steven. She loves great movies, a good book, decorating, and dining at the wonderful restaurants in the Bay Area.